On this very fine Martin Luther King Day 2017, there are some behaviors and actions that black people should abandon expeditiously. With the new regime (pardon me) ADMINISTRATION starting in four days, we should ensure all of our apertures are sealed so that no blackness escapes.
In laymen’s terms- GUARD YOUR BLACKNESS AND STOP COONING, MY NIGGA.
The latest suspects in the niggatry placation scandal aren’t new to the hot seat. In fact, they can’t stay out of that bitch.
“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run”
So basically I’m ejecting the following negroes out the of the black delegation in the name of Martin Luther King.
4. Tamera Mowry
So I guess Tamera Mowry feels because her husband married a colored girl that he must be woke. Apparently, she was making him a sandwich; as wives often do, and she asked him did he want extra mayo on his sandwich. That’s a perfectly legit question, right? I mean I don’t really fuck with mayonnaise because it’s like a congealed version of spoiled milk, tofu, and flavorless jello. But who am I to judge? I, also, like my beef BLT’s with lots of Miracle Whip so asking something like that isn’t far-fetched.
Mr. You Ain’t Woke As Me And I’m White decides to give his beloved a lesson on mayonnaise. So he caught feelings about being white and having to bear the burden of liking mayo on a sandwich (because all jokes aside- THAT IS peak alabasterhood) and delivered a tongue lashing to his wife. She, obviously, needs to be more conscientious of his white tears as well as his culinary tastes.
Ma’am, you nor your husband know what the fuck you are talking about. Just fix the damn sammich. Oh and for fuck’s sake- use wheat bread! God forbid she gives him white bread AND mayo.
Why do black folks have the constant need to “teach” wypipo lessons on common decency and respect? Basically begging to be understood and accepted. Donald Trump said some hateful shit about Congressman John Lewis and “Captain Unity” a.k.a. Q-tip felt obligated to speak to Trump’s “humanity”.
My dude! When have white folks given a damn about our ancestors? And why are you asking for the same shit we’ve been asking for since the 1600’s? Does he think white people don’t know this shit already? Like they’ve only been doing this for half a damn millenia. THEY DON’T CARE. SIT DOWN ole Kumbaya face ass nigga. Why do rappers insist on doing anything other than what they are paid to do? Martin Luther King was a minister. Ministry is NOT your portion.
2. Zoe Saldana
Zoe. Zoe. Zoe. I have tried to love this girl. But she won’t shut up! Every single time she says something, it screams anti-black. I let her slide on that horrific Nina Simone role, the fact that her and her 2 BLACK sisters ALL MARRIED WHITE MEN, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand saying that people of color don’t exist but her latest shenanigans are unforgivable.
Wait for it. She said, “Hollywood bullied Trump!”
This Hot Cheetoh faced ass…. bullied? What? By whom? Biih..he grabs pussies. Just be fucking pretty and shut up, Zoe. Just shut up.
Puñeta. Ño! She promotes anti-blackness and stupidity like they are her jobs. Dios mio! Where are the mirrors in her house? I bet she has weekly dinners with Raven and Bow Wow. Yoooo! Somebody come get this chick off my damn lawn. No puedo con ella.
And finally…. The Martin Luther King Day Coon Award goes to….
1. Steve Harvey
Your daddy’s son and resident Christian hotep had an awkward meeting with the Donald last week. Donald called him a “friend” and Steve looked like he wanted to crawl into his suit shell and roll away.
Mr. We Can’t Vote For A Pussygrabber must have had a change of heart over shots of Jack and talk of “housing” which is code for “where da hoes at?”
I know at one point Steve Harvey was homeless but why would he talk to Donald Trump about housing? Are there some new projects being built called Trump Gardens? Will The Donald pee in the hallways or will these be more upscale with Ivanka pee sponsored by the waters of Fiji or Pellegrino? I don’t understand. But I can only ascertain that Harvey must be getting SOMETHING out of the deal. After all, he IS about that coin.
And on this very significant Martin Luther King Day, let’s take a moment to remember that cooning is so 2016. We will leave you negros behind and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
And NO, YOU AIN’T COMING TO THE COOKOUT, Gary Owens!