Negra’s Guide To Being A Better Husband


Being a husband, surely, has its difficulties but it seems the focus is on making black women better wives. There’s a wife school by some foolish chick and then there’s advice from a woman who can’t stay married. All in all, some shit is being neglected and I wouldn’t be a good Samaritan if I didn’t help a brother out. This guide may save your marriage. It takes commitment and compromise. Leave your ego and masculinity at the door. If you love your wife, read this.

This is a compilation of situations I have heard from various sisters.  Grab your notebooks and take notes.

It’s time to have a real conversation about black men, women,  love and marriage. Black women are now the most educated group in America.  We are more accomplished and also more likely to be entrepreneurs. Many of these women are wives. This conversation isn’t about dating or marrying out so if your head is there, exit stage right——————–>. We tell our girls that they have good men if they don’t cheat or beat them. There is so much more to being a good husband than those things. Black wives are taught to sacrifice and support everyone. Be a brother’s biggest cheerleader no matter how we are treated. Nope. It’s a new year and it’s time for black men to do and be better. Be a better husband. Be a better father. Be a better son. BE A BETTER MAN.

husband cheering

6. Be Your Wife’s Biggest Cheerleader

If your wife has a talent, does a great job or just really rocks shit out at home, CELEBRATE HER. Share her victories with your people, with her people…hell, anybody who will listen. Let the world know how dope your wife is. It is important for black men to uplift black women.

It takes a tremendous amount of energy to be the glue to hold your family together. And if you are celebrating others, you damn sure need to be bigging her up. When you appreciate her, she will definitely appreciate you. Be the man to her that maybe your dad may not have been to your mother. If you were blessed to be raised by a great father, you should already be doing this.

 5. Put Her First

Many times, a husband will mistakenly put others before his wife. A mother, sister, or friends… whoever.  This is a fatal error. Your wife is the first person who you turn to when shit gets heavy. You expect her to be there. It’s imperative that you return the favor. If she’s becoming apathetic or unresponsive to your needs, this is more than likely the culprit.

She figures that the people who you covet over her must have you covered and she can go about her day.

4. When You Fuck Up, Swallow Your Pride. Make It Right. Be Sincere.

This isn’t rocket science fellas! Fucking up is inevitable. It’s a part of love and marriage. I’m not talking about infidelity. I’m talking about saying or doing something reckless or hurtful. If it’s a pattern, you need to be doing some serious self-evaluation. You can’t seriously expect your wife to stick around if there’s a constant cycle of “I’m sorry.” then you go right back to being a dick. That shit gets old really fast. And if this is your pattern, you don’t deserve her. If you have insecurities, work on them. She is not your therapist and it’s not up to her to fix your ass. Stop channeling your negativity and projecting your fear onto her.


3. Be Her Partner

There seems to be an epidemic of fuckboys who are content with putting the entire load of life on their wives’ back. And apparently- she can’t complain about it. Listen, if your raggedy ass made the commitment to take on a whole ass other human being, PULL YOUR WEIGHT. You don’t get to fuck off $100 with your homies because of fantasy football while she is giving her extra coins for the light bill. Even if your wife makes more than you, contribute equally.

You can’t expect her to carry the household, cook, clean and fuck you while you barely take out the trash or you are drinking like you worked a long ass day at the office. How dare you! I know that many men of this generation and younger brothers watched their mothers do EVERYTHING but you don’t get to pass that on to your wife.  You should be mad at the dude who left it all for your moms to do especially if she had more than one child. YOU BE BETTER THAN THAT NIGGA. Actively help and participate in your children’s lives and work with your wife to live a life without struggle.

2. Love is Compromise

As a husband, sometimes shit is not about YOU. Your wife knows the man she married. Stop telling her, “That’s just you! And if she doesn’t like it- MOVE ON!”

What a cop out! You compromise every day in your job. You yield to the mfer passing you in the hallway. You commit to being kind to strangers but the woman who bore your children and washes your drawers isn’t worth a concession? It is just as bad as you read it. When you love someone, you should be more than willing to put some things aside for the greater good of your marriage. If you’ve not given up anything for the woman with whom YOU HAVE CHOSEN to spend your life  and you don’t feel like you should, you deserve a life of tv dinners and and flat beer.

1. Be The Man She Doesn’t Want To Live Without

If you are not doing any of the previously mentioned things, she may think about her past loves. It doesn’t necessarily mean she is still in love with an ex. It, simply, means that you are not creating a value for yourself. 1 out of 7 people in relationships say they settled for their current love. Do you want to be the person for whom your wife settled? Be everything she needs. Make her NEVER want to live without you.

We are not our mothers or grandmothers and as much as we may love you. You are expendable.

I know there are some men who won’t receive this. They will read, be salty and continue to blame their wives for their shortcomings and be indignant. I can assure you. You are going to lose her to someone else or to just you being a dick.

And there will be those who will take my advice and rekindle a flame that was dying slowly. And they will hold on to her like their lives depended on it.

Either way. Thanks for reading and remember- Happy Wife. Happy Life!



K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • From a happily married black woman- this is 100% accurate.

  • Denene Millner

    All. Facts. And some of us married women need to hold this list up and compare it to what we actually have–and make some changes for ourselves. Ahem.