El Final Adios

The Final Goodbye

Final:

adjective

1.

pertaining to or coming at the end; last in place, order, or time:

the final meeting of the year.

2.

ultimate:

The final goal is world peace.

3.

 constituting the end or purpose:

a final result.

Adios es una palabra final. Not a day has passed since September 25th, that my daughter and I don’t cry for Pedro. Some days- more than others. We can’t control life’s truncated schedule. No matter how hard we try.  Death is not easy and grief isn’t trainable. By far, Thanksgiving was the hardest day. We’ve lived in Florida for a little over three years and this was the first holiday which anybody in my family has spent here with us. Mami came during Thanksgiving week and I’m certain she was here for two reasons.
1. Florida was one of Pedro’s favorite places.
2. Her strength, love and the very special bond with Little NWT and Pedro are helping her cope with her own grief. 
Needless to say, there were just as many tears as laughter. My mami es una roca de verdad. Probably, THE strongest woman I’ve ever known. I get to see, touch and hear the love of my life every day. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for her.
*sidebar* Little NWT is incredibly wise for her 15 years. She suggested seeing a grief counselor. She’s now had two sessions and she is remarkably grounded. Her resolve to maintain her mental well-being is incredible.
 
Lemonface (one of my many nicknames for her) asked her dad and I a strangely, provocative question.

“If given the opportunity, would you bring back someone back?”

Mind blown. *cue tears*

I, often, see people ask for one more moment with their dearly, departed loved ones and I’m not so sure that I’d do it. It’s easy to cling to the idea of seeing their faces, saying things they didn’t get a chance to say before they passed or just hugging or caressing their hair one more time. I, still, grieve the deaths of my cousins and they have been gone for 15 and 25 years respectively. I cry when I think of how our kids never got to hear their laughter or spend Christmas with them. I think of how hard it must be for my dad living so many years without his grandparents and now his baby brother. I send long distance hugs and prayers to my cousins, Jeanetta and her babies, for the loss of her father/ their granddaddy.

Final
Us on our way to the West Coast Inaugural Ball in 2009.

I am reminded how my husband and his brothers live without their mami. I keep Sylvia and Shawn in my heart while they cope with the loss of their granddad. I remember the tears of my brother-in-law and his family when his mom died the year I was pregnant with Little NWT. She died the same day she finally made it over to my sister and my brother’s new apartment to have coffee. She had, also, given my sister her wedding ring. How poetic!  How Sili and Ty  remember their moms and how Yanira and LaMonica are getting through the loss of their fathers.

I think of all of these things. As much as I would want to have them with me again, I know there is no possible way to remember all of things that I would tell them. I couldn’t hug or kiss them enough. There are not enough “I love you’s!” to say. And my heart couldn’t take losing them again. It would be too much for sanity. No do-overs for me.

So I rely on time, my pen, my family and friends to help get me through the grief. I will cry as needed and tend to my boveda. I will get help. And most importantly- I will NEVER forget the impact that they’ve had on my life.

La muerte es final pero el amor es para siempre.

Until next time.

K.

 

 

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of "Negra With Tumbao" and a Staff Writer for "The Urban Twist". Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.
  • Bellaknows

    This hit me in my heart just *all of the tears* I lost my love of 15 years Oct 30 and I have spent these past 5 weeks in a surreal rewind of the Doctor saying “car accident, didn’t make it”. Would I want a do over? I don’t know there’s so much I need to say. But the thought of living that pain, this pain again? I think no. Positive vibes, healing and hugs to you and your family. I’m in therapy first time ever praying it helps.

    • It will, my love. Thank you for reading.. we are all just trying to cope. I’m sorry for your loss… Bless you and your family! 💙

  • Val

    *eHUG*