The High Road Is Overrated And Hell Is Hot

high road

Hell is hot. The earth is round and the high road is overrated. For years, black women have sucked up bullshit in the name of “having class” and being the better person. Who came up with this? I’ve watched women’s spirits dissipate from continuously enduring their significant other’s indiscretions. Many women believe that this is the way to go. It’s a generational practice which we’ve passed on to younger generations. I will not pass it on to my daughter.

No to the high road.
No to the high road.

Chinx, who was killed in Queens  in May of last year, cheated on his wife. His widow, Janelli Caceres-Pickens, discovered that his lover was pregnant. She went to her baby shower and vowed support for the woman and her baby in an effort to show the hood chicks how to be classy. Not only did her husband and his mistress disrespect their marriage but she is accepting her husband’s love child. Oh ok. That’s nice. Listen here! The way my fux are set up- neither baby nor chilla would have shit coming. It’s not her problem. Well, I guess now it is.

I know some of you are thinking, “It’s not the baby’s fault.” 

You’re right but how is that his widow’s problem? Yes, we know that’s her children’s sibling. It has nothing to do with them either. He’s dead and she shouldn’t feel compelled to care about the other woman or her child. She has her own grief and issues with which to deal. She needs to make sure that her children are coping with their father’s death. More power to her if she finds it in her heart to let bygones be bygones.

My inner adult would say, “She’ll be alright and fuck yo’ mama.”

Instagram- Chinx wife

I know some of you reading this may think that I’m a heartless bitch. Maybe. Maybe not. Meh.

I didn’t always feel this way.

My daughter, with my husband,  is my only child but it’s his youngest child. When our daughter was a little girl, I felt it was important that she was close to her siblings. We lived in different states but on a couple of occasions; I reached out to his children’s mother and set up a visit. My daughter was so excited. She was about 6 years old. I spoke with the mother, made the arrangements and we were all set. The next day, I called to meet her with the kids and nada. She never picked up and my daughter was heartbroken. The more my daughter cried, the more I wanted to punch her siblings’ mother in the face.

Honestly, it wasn’t her duty or mine to bring our children together. I get that now. I didn’t then. And just as it wasn’t important for her, it’s not important to me to worry about someone else’s children with relation to my baby. That’s my husband’s job. In reality, it’s every man’s job to forge those relationships between siblings.

Grown women can make a choice either way. Black women are NOT obligated to take the high road. It doesn’t make you a better woman. The other woman doesn’t feel horrible or ashamed while you extend an olive branch or prove how gracious and well-behaved you are. Unfortunately, you are suppressing your justified anger to pacify someone who doesn’t respect you.

I’m not saying to go and whoop somebody’s ass (after all we are grown, right?) but you aren’t required to accept anything for which you’ve not signed up. Stop teaching our girls this bullshit. Both trifling parties can clean up their own damn messes. Maintain your sanity and take care of yourself and your family. Black men need to be accountable for their own fuck ups.

I’m not teaching my baby to take l’s. Not for her daddy. Not for her mama. Not for anybody. I suggest that my sisters follow suit. It’s a new day.





K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • Micoláii-Yomaris Fuentes-Dayto

    I agree 100%. Fuck the high road. I would be worrying about me and mine, that’s it, that’s all. I’m not the one to call.

    I mean, there are various situations where the high road can indubitably kiss my honey-coated black ass. A situation like this would most certainly be one of them.

  • Val

    Lol You are hardcore, NWT! But seriously, I don’t see why she would want to be apart of her husband’s mistresses’ baby shower. That’s a little weird. Maybe she’s feeling sentimental and is still grieving for her husband? Me no know.

    I think it would have made more sense to facilitate the kids having a sibling relationship as they get older. And I think it was sweet of you to set up a visit with your daughter’s siblings. Their mother not showing is on her.

    • It was on her but she owed me nothing and to be honest I didn’t even want to do it… I should’ve listened to my first mind…lmao

      I ain’t hardcore but just the things that we watch our mothers and grandmothers eat don’t work for me.

      I just know that when folks have been married for 60 years.. you KNOW it’s because the WIFE was eating shit. Naw nigga.

      • ctmany

        //when folks have been married for 60 years.. you KNOW it’s because the WIFE was eating shit.//

        omg, so cynical. 🙂 ????????????

      • Sloppy Chocolate

        “when folks have been married for 60 years.. you KNOW it’s because the WIFE was eating shit.”

        This is so true, my mother is a perfect example!

      • Quiet as kept though, when women eat that ish for 60 years it can mess up their children… I’m still shocked by the crap my Mother put up with..You ain’t loving nobody unless you love yourself.

        • Absolutely… black girls suppress their voices and black boys become monsters… fuck that for mine!

        • Oh, I love your thumbnail!! Hey Pretty!

        • charisma_supreme

          *COGIC tambourines*

  • charisma_supreme

    Hey girl hey! Lol. I agree. High road will leave you stranded emotionally sometimes. We should be free to be human as h***… to say, no i won’t take care of some kids i didnt make (not be mean to, just not accept responsibility for)…. to say no i won’t help out, as you didn’t help me (i was in the gym alone shooting, but now i need to help a brother out. Porque?)… to kick a$$ to the tune of Gorilla Pimp (if adequately provoked)…. to cut that b**** off (if it’s clear that bih means you no good).

    • Maaaaaaan listen…just cause shit is brown and you tell me that it’s chocolate..doesn’t mean that I’m gonna eat it. Lmao

  • Helga G.Pataki

    New reader!

    “Black women are NOT obligated to take the high road. It doesn’t make you a better woman. ” has been added to my mantras for the month.

    • Heeeeey darling! Thank you for reading.. did you subscribe to my foolery yet? ????

      Maaaaaan listen.. the more you know…

      • Helga G.Pataki

        just subscribed 🙂

  • NonyaB

    Come THRUUUU with this word, NWT! Accepting bullshit in the name of being the better person/higher road = denigrating oneself by playing into society’s bullsh*t respectability politics, which often coincides with leaving women worse off, anyway.

  • UrbanVisionz

    So I have a question….
    Let’s reverse the situation….
    Should we expect a man with zero kids to take the high road when dealing with a female who has kid/s from a previous situation….
    or is this apples and oranges?

    • Totally apples and oranges.. lol

      If a husband had this situation, I wouldn’t expect anything different.

      • UrbanVisionz

        Ok, Ms. Tumbao,

        I grew in the half sibling lifestyle ( The 80s and 90s results from these papa’s being Rolling Stones). I wouldn’t say my mother bent over backwards for contact between us( my half siblings and I) but she didn’t give zero phucs either. Is their a happy medium?

        • My daughter has half siblings..she is now 14… they aren’t necessarily good to her so it’s “fuck em” for me.

          If it was different, I would be cool but also this isn’t an outside baby thing… my husband had kids when we met. Our daughter is MY only child and concern.