Five Thot Songs For The Married Sisters

Songs are sexy

Married sisters are often resigned to granny panties and housecoats after the kids are born. I’m here to tell you that there’s another life when the babies go to bed. Certain songs bring out my inner thot (keep in mind words like thot, hoe, slut, skeezer.. don’t bother me. I eat those shits for breakfast. I’m all of that and Mr. NWT LOVES it) and when you’re married to one of the finest men in America (I don’t care what you say. He is.). You have to bring the heat. Get your thongs and 6 inch heels ready, ladies. We got some thottin’ to do!

Ooooooo, if thottin’ had a soundtrack and I had 50 leven hours to devote to writing about it..LORDT.

Number 5

“Centipede”- Rebbie Jackson

Baby, listen. I was ten years old when this song was released and even then I knew that somebody needed to tell me to “sit my fast ass down somewhere!” That chorus and bridge will get you right. Body rolls are abundant when this is played. You may even crawl on the floor. Ya know *singing*, “like a centipeeeeeeede! Centipeeede!” Rebbie didn’t have a hit after this but this is STILL one helluva banger.

Songs for thotting.
White girl wasted on the pole… It’s okay. You are with your husband.

Number 4

“I’m A Stripper” – Lords of Acid

Get you some Johnny Walker or Henny. Straight up. Grab your husband, your chair and give him the lap dance of his life. Hair tossing is essential and so is lots of grinding. Clothes are totally optional. “I’m A Stripper” is a trashy ditty to get things poppin’. Lords of Acid are known for their raunchy lyrics by the way. 2000 was a very good year.

Number 3

“Lick”- Joi

The first time that I heard this… I was sweaty on a pole and rocking 5 inch Bebe platform stilettos. Get your minds out of the damn gutter. It was a brass pole and I was doing pole tricks. This shit had all my trigger words. Pussy. Lick. Control.  Yes. In that order. This is THE song of freak songs.

Songs for twerking
Scruuub The Ground!!

Number 2

“Scrub The Ground”- Splack Pack

It’s vulgar and I FUCKING LIVE. This ass has seen its fair share of “Scrubbing The Ground”.  My husband is an ass man so a real twerk song is in order. I have a good 25 years head start on these young chicks. Most importantly, I AM FROM DETROIT. Act brand new if you want to.  At 41, Mr. NWT STILL gets this work. Boom.

Number 1

“Liquor”- Chris Brown 

“Drink and fuck.”

I’m not a drinker by any stretch of the imagination.  However, this song will set the mood.  All he wants is me and all I want is him.  This is strictly one of the most fuckwittable floor work songs that I’ve heard in a minute. I would offer a tutorial but the Mister would have my ass and NOT in a good way.

I used to teach a class for this specifically. Most of the women in the class were married. It’s important to not be embarrassed when it comes to our sexuality and our bodies.

Promise me that one day this weekend, you’ll thot it up with a five song playlist for your husband.  I’m not excluding my single sisters. I’m simply encouraging our married sisters to not fall into the every day routine. Keep shit fresh.

Men don’t give a fuck about your ass jiggling.

Empower yourself, love yourself, get it poppin’ with your own playlist.

What songs make YOU feel Sexy?

K.

Disclaimer

*I am not responsible for any pregnancies*

 

lol

 

 

 

 

 

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of "Negra With Tumbao" and a Staff Writer for "The Urban Twist". Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.
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