Braids Are The Devil

Boxed Braids- Courtesy of Pinterest

Braids are the devil, y’all! They look great, are versatile and make a great protective style. Sisters will rave about how awesome braids are but they NEVER mention the dark side of this braid life. Yaaaaaaas, you can experiment with color, texture, and length. That’s the beauty of having braids. However, Braid Warriors DO NOT prepare you for a stiff neck, headaches, itchy ass scalp, THE WEIGHT OF THE ACTUAL BRAIDS (I promise that it feels like a toddler swinging from your hair..hell maybe it’s damn Tarzan.. ionknow but something has got to give.), and the time that it, actually,  takes to get your hair braided. I was bingeing on Motrin and Aleve for at least two weeks after getting my boxed braids.

 My natural hair sisters left me hanging. I talked about getting braids for about 2 months. NAN ONE OF THEM SAID, “Neeeeegra, you in danger, girl!” (Shout out to Whoopi Goldberg for the “Ghost” reference)

Boxed braids with shaved sides.

I love to wash my hair. That’s all but non-existent with boxed braids. I can use dry shampoo which is really a code word for BULLSHIT. I need to scrub this scalp. My one guilty pleasure is that I can take oil and braid sheen and scratch my scalp like somebody’s ninety-years old abuela. Diablo, give me my bata, chanclas, my oil (pronounced ohl) and a rat-tail comb so I can get to scratching. I’m a month in and the new growth is starting to get to me too. It isn’t bad but I don’t like my braids not being close to the scalp. That’s my own hangup though.  My hair is growing and that’s what I wanted ultimately so I will stop complaining. I’m still flipping my hair like Cher because they are REALLY that heavy. At this point, my bun feels like a wicker basket on my head. I imagine that I’m carrying water to my village for cooking and washing. You know like I’ve been at the river all day…. you know JEFA ish.

Now please excuse me while I put on my neck brace.

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • I stay away from certain braids becaus they are heavy! Lol

  • The Phoenix

    Reblogged this on The Building of a Goddess and commented:
    This is the funniest and yet most honest assessment of life with braids!

  • Nita

    You are hilarious!!! I love your writing and story telling.