Much of what I express in this sacred space is very personal for me. I, usually, don’t preface my posts before I write them but for this post, in particular,- the insight is needed.
I am an infatuate of all things noir. Black power, black love, black soap, black men, black women, black children…the list is multitudinous. I am unapologetic in my fervor of speaking candidly about black life and the plentiful nuances that it encompasses. Black life has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination but we have managed to build, exist, persevere and overcome many obstacles. Unfortunately, it is with great devastation that I admit that we are hurting. The relationships between black men and women are so fragile that I was hesitant in writing these words. I don’t want to convey anger but I’m angry. I love brothers with every fiber of my being. I believe in you. I support you even when support means giving you tough love. This isn’t a personal attack on black men. Think of this as an intervention. I mentioned that I was working on this post in a small group of which I am a member on Facebook ( I love you, GT Fam!) and I disclosed how intense my feelings were and how I didn’t want them to affect the message of what I wanted to say. Without missing a beat, mi hermano- MelaNine gave me a jewel that inspired a change in the direction of this very post. He said,
“Yeah. Please don’t lose it and get thrown into the ‘male bashers’ box lol. I can imagine it’s hard. Some of the sisters I try to stay up on tend to lean towards that hateful frustration and it just takes away from the overall message, I think. A fine line between being critical and just flat out spiteful, I guess. I try to understand, but just like with the brothers who do the same thing it just gets dicey and counterproductive! Good luck!”
Thank you, MelaNine! Now lets get on with it.
Earlier this week, the internet and Twitter were all abuzz by a bitter, petty sounding comment that the rapper aimed at his ex and her new beau, Russell Wilson.That annoyed me more than anything but what made me cringe was the apparent slut-shaming that ensued on Ciara’s behalf. HER character was called into question and I found myself defending her to men and women. Future is notorious for being unfaithful and having multiple children with multiple women including Ciara but he was never held to ANY standard of accountability. Why is that? At what point did the burden of chastity and all that is good and holy in the world fall onto her? Relationships fall apart. People leave one another. Ciara moved on with Seattle Seahawk’s Russell Wilson (Apparently one of THE nicest guys in America) and brothers lost their minds. Many black men were attacking the good guy that is doing everything right including calling him names like “simp” and a “punk”. Russell is abstinent. He treats, both, Ciara and Baby Zahir with kindness, decency and respect. He is faithful. What brother wouldn’t want that for his sister, mother, or daughter? Are brothers that broken? Do you hate us that much that you would rather see us be cheated on, devalued, or raise your kids alone? Can you tell me when did we become unworthy of your love?
The saltiness doesn’t end here though. Future has been making his rounds commenting on why the relationship ended between him and Ciara. His reasons are incredibly disheartening. They range from “quarter-life crisis, career dissatisfaction, distaste for fame and Ciara’s pop ambitions doomed them”. How does ANY of this fall on Ciara? Underneath the symptoms of his P.N.S. (Petty Negro Syndrome) lies an insecure little boy in a man’s body. This is superficial. This can’t be. Future destroyed his family (yet again) not for lack of love and support but because he decided to be a rapper and couldn’t handle the emotional pressure? What did the other mothers do? None of these women were good enough to be his wife? When I look at the pictures of those two, I see her love for him. She wrapped herself in his aura as we often do when we want to be a brother’s everything. It is organic. It’s not put on and she gave it until he drained her and she had nothing left to give. Then, we have to endure. “You knew he was no good.”
Where do we go from here? How do we fix this? Ciara could have wallowed in her sorrow after the ending of her engagement to Future. She could have resigned herself to being just some rapper’s baby’s mother but why would she? Why shouldn’t we be allowed to have the happy ending? We want to love you. We want to be your wives and bear your children. We want to MAKE LOVE and not be jump offs. We want you to love our skin. We want to find our happiness with you. We need you, brothers. Love us in the way that we have loved you since time has begun. This isn’t a request. It’s an order. When we are at war, the Earth’s rotation is out of wack. Nights become days and days become nights. Hold us and defend our honor even when you can’t find honor in yourself. Let’s heal one another. Love us brothers. We don’t want to leave you but we will. We will go where we are valued and not objectified. We will allow ourselves to be vulnerable and loved. We will move on with our own “Russell Wilson” and someone else will love and raise your children. We will not continue to carry the burden of your inability to be accountable.