Black manhood is often discussed but never quite broken down into terms in which everyone can relate. It, also, seems accountability and responsibility have become obsolete in many relationships as well as far as men are concerned.
While the world has, thoroughly, examined women and their “Daddy” issues, no thought or attention has been given to the many men with “Mommy ” issues. Society, typically, covers up deep-seated issues involving black men and their moms which stem from abandonment, neglect, a mother’s dissatisfaction with her life and choices and lack of a father figure with patriarchal rhetoric of “this is how men are built”.
That’s completely false.
In a 2010 article from CNN about emotionally stunted men, “Mama’s Boys” were, specifically, referenced.
2. The Mama’s Boy: The most important relationship a guy can have is with his mother. That’s why it’s bad news if that relationship has gone wrong in some way. The Mama’s Boy compares all women to his mother. Whether he hates her or is obsessed with her, he is blind to the fact that he is replaying his relationship with his mom with every woman he gets involved with.
The woman he wants: Someone who is exactly like his mother or exactly the opposite, depending on the nature of the dysfunction. If his mom was coddling and overprotective, he may want you to change his diaper and wipe his nose. If his mother abandoned him, he may be looking for a clingy lady. If his mother expected him to be “the man of the family,” he may be looking for a woman who is helpless and needs taking care of. You get the picture.
Entering manhood is an inevitable rite of passage.
However, many brothers are not equipped with the proper tools to be men. They remain boys even though they’ve physically become men and nobody calls it out. Until now.
If black women wish to know what type of man they are dating, they have to pay attention to the relationship he has with his mother. The signs are there. Up front.
This is not an indictment of diasporan mothers especially single moms. This IS a brutally honest view of the circumstances which have created an epidemic of “ain’t shit niggas”.
All mothers are NOT created equal and the ability to birth children does not make a mother. A great deal of time and effort go into creating well-adjusted, loving men. We shouldn’t pretend that mothers don’t abandon their children. And abandoning sons doesn’t have to mean leaving physically and not returning. Abandonment can be as simple as working a ton of hours outside the home to escape, needing a drink daily to be functional while neglecting the needs of her children or passing her time with males other than her son/sons. Then add coddling due to feeling guilty and it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
I’m sorry but NO WOMAN signs up to have gang of kids with NO help from their fathers. And I get it- some mothers are doing their best. And quite frankly- with this new breed of bitch ass niggas, her best isn’t good enough. Unfortunately- the wives, baby’s mamas, girlfriends and even daughters are on the receiving end of his projected anger, selfishness and resentment.
And WE suffer for it. Present company included.
We suffer while manboys hop from woman to woman looking to be taken care of. Because their mamas didn’t do it. Sisters continue to have babies with these same “men” who flatout refuse to be responsible for their children, their women or themselves.
We pacify temper tantrums from grown men who are unable to communicate effectively because as children, simple trinkets shut them up.
Moving into manhood, those same actions are now bigger and more often than not- the trinket has now turned into Jordans or a car. And the expectation is that women play mama. Hell, these troubled souls aren’t even ashamed about being breastfed.
Let’s not forget about the serial cheater. This man may have seen his mother put men who were not his father above him. He may have seen his mother getting down with a bunch of different men. What do you think that does to the psyche of a young boy? It’s safe to assume that he has subconsciously told himself that “all women are hoes..like his mama”.
He wouldn’t call his own mama a hoe though. Because as fucked up as she, seemingly, is/was- that’s STILL his mother. But he would SURELY call the other women in his life everything but children of God.
Mothers, directly, affect the types of relationships their sons have with women. Many brothers need professional help and many are walking through life with blinders on not caring at all about the women they hurt. It’s time that we start putting the “man” back in manhood. It’s been missing for far too long.