Five Reasons Why A “Coming To America” Sequel Just Ain’t A Good Look

Coming To America

The Hollywood rumor mill has confirmed that a sequel for “Coming To America” is, currently, in the works. The thought of it makes my good eye twitch.     The original, released in 1988, is COMEDIC GOLD.  Although another VSB contributor, who shall remain unnamed and shaded, believes the contrary. The original screenwriters have the daunting task of recreating some of black comedy’s most brilliant moments on screen.

They are going to fail.  Miserably. Here’s why…

5. How Does One Recreate The Magic Of “Soul Glo”? 

 

The “Soul Glo” bit was an iconic moment in the movie. Not only was it hilarious but it could, only,  be appreciated in that specific era or if you lived during that time. I mean…. who DIDN’T have a jheri curl in 1988?

I’m not necessarily saying that folks don’t go to the salon and request Sof’n Free’s best Carefree Curl or Hawaiian Silky ( I, actually, am saying that but I didn’t want to be rude to the “old playa playas from the Himalayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas”). After all, they still sell the products in beauty supply stores in every hood from Compton to Detroit. They may be covered with spiders, dust and the red stuff that you can’t wash off your hands from eating Pixie Stix- but they DO HAVE it.

I say all of this to say that the gags of the film of the film were representative of the time. How do you recreate that kind of moment in 2017 and with what trend? Jeggings for men?

4.The Cast Was An All-Star Cast

There were at least a dozen legendary entertainers in “Coming To America”. RIP Madge Sinclair a.k.a. “Queen Aoleon”, Don Ameche, and Ralph Bellamy. All of them were heavy hitters in their own rite. What actors and actresses do we have now with comedic timing/ prowess and real acting chops who could pull this off? Viola Davis can ugly cry her ass off. She’s surely gorgeous enough to play the Queen if they age her properly but I can’t see her making funnies. Mike Epps or Katt Williams would more than likely turn this into “Friday Two Months From Now: We Finally Got Jobs And Day Day Still Can’t Fight”.

I just don’t see who could star in this movie other than the original cast.

3. Many Sections Of New York Are Now Gentrified, Brunch Spots

Coming to America
Williamsburg- Brooklyn… Then and Now

“Coming To America”  was shot in Brooklyn and Queens when they were rough, rugged and raw. No place for a prince. Given the influx of bright-eyed dubyas from the fresh cornstalks of Kansas, who’ve invaded Williamsburg, Brownsville, Corona, Harlem, and Washington Heights among other places, the atmosphere has changed tremendously.

You can’t replicate Jackson Heights in Chicago. I’m sorry.

I am aware that it can be shot in a studio. However, a studio can’t replace the grittiness and heart of a place where I’ve  experienced many nights of debauchery and fine rachetry.

Don’t judge me!

2. I’m Not Even Entertaining A Sequel If Eddie AND Arsenio Aren’t Starring In It

Coming To America

Eddie Murphy is involved behind the scenes. BUT WILL HE STAR IN IT? Will he bring back Aresenio Hall as “Semmi”?  I have questions. There’s no sequel without Prince Akeem and there is no Prince Akeem without Semmi. We know that Eddie has been creating his own personal Benetton ad with all of his chirren and babies’ mamas and whatnot but what has Arsenio been up to lately?

I can’t see anybody else but those two pulling off hysterically funny portrayals of people we know.

1. It’s damn near 30 years later. What the hell are they thinking trying to make a sequel to “Coming To America”?

How does a sequel come up some 30 years later? Does this even qualify as a sequel? My child is almost an adult. I saw the original when I was thirteen. Prince Akeem Joffer is now 72, Zamunda was overrun by militant rebels and McDowell’s is now a liquor store (It’s a Wendy’s frfr).

We can’t allow this.

I’m not trying to stop anybody’s comeuppance but some things  just shouldn’t happen.

K.

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • Furious Styles

    Agree x1000 with the magic of Soul Glo…
    also…
    a) We’re a more critical, fake-deep audience than 1988. It will be think-pieced to death (colorism, cultural appropriation of African-ness, etc) before it comes out.
    b) People are too emotionally attached to the original. Their window of opportunity for a sequel closed in 1991. They are better off remaking/rebooting joints that nobody cares about. E.g. Penitentiary.

  • NonyaB🎯

    Hear, hear! Of course they won’t just re-run the classic because they wouldn’t make more money. Meanwhile, there are thousands of talented writers with new stories that they should be focusing on instead. Good thing services like Netflix and Amazon movies now exist to provide more competition.

    PS typos: Under #4, should be right not “rite” and on last line, “comeuppance” refers to deserved punishment, not a glow up.

    • Hey sis!!! I don’t have Netflix or Amazon.. I’m slipping!

      Right was a typo but comeuppance was me being silly with come up…lol

      • NonyaB🎯

        Gotcha!

        Yeah, more people are even going without cable because between Netflix and/or Amazon and the innahnets, there’s already too much choice. That’s why HBO decided to start streaming online.

        • I have access to Netflix and I see folks BRAG on it.. I might need to partake.

  • BrothasKeeper

    No. Nein. Non. Nyet. Nunca. いいえ. Neaupe. Not neva. I’d rather see Toupeé Fiasco win another term than a CtA sequel.