Marriage And Infidelity Are Not My Portion But It’s Cool If It’s Yours

infidelity marriage

My marriage was important to me. Operative word “was”. Many of you already know that I decided to, publicly, share the culmination of factors which ended our union. I’ve, openly,  expressed my feelings via my personal Facebook and have had open discussions.  I have been asked if my marriage could have been saved.

That answer is a resounding NO!

I think it’s imperative to preface this with people have different expectations within their marriage and I’m not judging or inserting any authority over their decisions to stay or leave. I will speak on what I’m willing or not willing to accept.

So I’ve been watching VH1’s “Love And Hip: Atlanta” and there’s an ongoing saga with Rasheeda and Kirk Frost. Apparently, Kirk has cheated numerous times with various strippers in the “A”. This current transgression produced a “lovechild” bastard. Not only did this trash ass nigga hide it from her but he had the slide living in the same building as his wife.

marriage over

Rasheeda is devastated and rightfully so. She takes off her ring and tells him he needs to go. Because Kirk seems to “value” her more AFTER he fucks up, he is NOW fighting for his marriage. I get the impression that Rasheeda isn’t serious about ending their union. She wants to see him sweat. She wants him to “fight” for her.

This is where we differ.

My marriage wasn’t perfect. However, there weren’t a lot of things that had me “Looking at the front door” . People were even hoping our marriage didn’t last but that didn’t necessarily bother me either. After all, envy is a monster for real and it’s fully understandable why low brow bitches were angry with me.

*Yes, I deviated from the ENTIRE POINT OF THIS POST with that last statement.*

It felt good too.

Moving on…

My “Do Not Pass Go Or Collect $200” was/is cheating. The physical betrayal is insurmountable for me especially within the confines of matrimony. Yes, I know there are open marriages and polyamorous relationships. That is NOT my portion. My physical togetherness with my ex was based on monogamy. Also- I, wholeheartedly, believe that there was a moment where he thought about what he was about to do before deciding to step outside our marriage.

I, mean, he brought his sidechick around the messiest bitch in Orlando, who just happens to hate my guts. In addition, her father looked me dead in the face and told me that my philandering husband was a “good man.”

The all-around ain’t shitness of this WHOLE ASS situation won’t allow me to stay. I don’t need this nigga to fight for me AFTER THE FACT. He’s already done what he was going to do so why wouldn’t he want to come home? Where was that consideration prior to him banging that lowlife?

marriage

Even this past Monday, he insinuated that we could have fixed this. The arrogance. He served me with divorce papers on the 22nd of March. I have NEVER seen him commit to doing anything that fast in my life. According to him, he did it out of anger. Because he is the victim here. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

This is something that we’d (I’d) NEVER get past. EVAH. This marriage isn’t worth saving. And that’s ok.

Rasheeda and many other wives look at the time invested and determine that time, itself, is cause for saving their marriages. Religion may play a role in salvaging a marriage after infidelity if outside babies are involved. Shit, sisters are duped into staying because THAT’S what makes a “good wife”. Enduring bullshit. They stay prayerful but won’t ever reap the benefits of having a fulfilling marriage because their husbands are just wack ass dudes. And because a “commitment” was made, it can’t be broken.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Death and taxes are permanent. Niggas and shoddy husbands, who will treat you like your forgiveness is OWED TO THEM, come a dime a dozen.

And I’m fresh out of change.

K.

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • Amelia Flowers

    I am so empowered by your words! The amount of REAL in your writings is what draws me to you! I am so happy you dropped the Zero!!!

    • If we all could just speak and feel free to create our own happiness, ya know? ❤

      • Amelia Flowers

        Fear strickens some and renders them speechless. For others it motivates and empowers. Infidelity ain’t your portion, but Not giving ANY fucks IS! 😉

  • Val

    Dang, living in the same building. That’s bold.

    We all must have boundaries, NWT. Otherwise people will walk all over us.

    • The SAME building AND paying her fucking rent! THE NERVE!

  • LaMonica Williams

    YAAAAS… TELL IT SIS!
    I’m all for anyone saving a marriage if they believe it’s possible. But don’t ever knock a person who has been wronged for feeling and saying.. “Damage Done..As a parting gift, you receive.. this Doorknob to the ass”. If you only “Value” something when it’s clear you are about to lose it..You really didn’t deserve it in the the first place . That’s a marriage, a job, a promotion. When something means something to you ..you PUT IT IN to keep it. You MAKE THE EFFORT! . Your ex told you the marriage could have been saved… Until ‘HIS PRIDE” was hurt. Never mind YOURS..Never mind you still have fools who always blame the women in the situation …”You emasculated him”..”You weren’t taking care of him.. You must be lacking in some way , he went elsewhere”…. But hurt HIS PRIDE… Then he ready to lose you ..
    We all have had our humbling moments. We have had to say…. Is the love here worth it? His pride was his only concern …Not respect, not passion, not time , an certainly …NOT LOVE.
    Too those who say you and all other black women , that we MUST be able to live with pain, disrespect , infidelity and wounded pride (if it’s important to you, it’s important to us)…. We say to you.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fb17ceabd9bd6780cc6b481f1766fdf140d88c9310cb2fffb7b2b9ee9225c13a.gif

  • Sordaly Hernandez

    Wow, I can’t express to you anymore as to how accurate your post is!! I salute you for saying the truth and speaking out. You have empowered me and i thank you for that! We need to give ourselves the respect and value we deserve because no man will value you unless you value yourself and valuing me means you are not worth my time if you cannot treat me right and be faithful. We control our happiness, the sooner we realize that the happier we will be without these lame ass guys out there trying to take advantage of us instead of actually loving us! No settling here nope sorry marriage or not. There’s the door

  • NonyaB🎯

    Come on with this catharsis laid out with a side of pop culture, NWT! iCackled at “…it’s fully understandable why low brow bitches were angry with me”.

    May we be protected from accepting fxckshit and poisonous thinking pushed on us under platitudes like “he’s a good man.”

    Hang in there, mama; this too, shall pass.

    • Ma’am!! Did you peep the petty? IDG NOT ONE FUCK EITHER. Yep, I’m talking about your whole sorry ass “family”. And I ain’t got nothing nice to say.

      When I tell you that everytime I write about it, I feel lighter and lighter… Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!

  • C Taborn

    You are my friend in my head for this post LOL….This has given me so much life right now. I swear I have to tell people I would rather be single than have a man who freely cheats on me (cheating is my deal breaker for ‘sho). I have unfortunately been cheated on and unknowingly been the side chick (when I found out let’s just say brotha glad he is walking ’cause I hurt his feelings & his ancestors feelings so bad). I can’t even watch LHHA anymore ’cause of the pure sadness that is Rasheeda and Mimi. Sometimes you have to be willing to take that “L” say you tried and want better for yourself. And do not get me started on the shady ass family members that be co-signing the madness and disrespect. I got stories on watching mamas and daddies talking ’bout they “good kids” to the very people those “kids” are cheating on like it was all cool.

  • danaturaldva

    All of it! Exactly why I decided to get a divorce.