Four Black People We Must Abandon On This Fine Martin Luther King Day 2017

Martin Luther King

On this very fine Martin Luther King Day 2017, there are some behaviors and actions that black people should abandon expeditiously. With the new regime (pardon me) ADMINISTRATION starting in four days, we should ensure all of our apertures are sealed so that no blackness escapes.

In laymen’s terms- GUARD YOUR BLACKNESS AND STOP COONING, MY NIGGA. 

The latest suspects in the niggatry placation scandal aren’t new to the hot seat. In fact, they can’t stay out of that bitch.

“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run”

So basically I’m ejecting the following negroes out the of the black delegation in the name of Martin Luther King.

Martin Luther King

4. Tamera Mowry

So I guess Tamera Mowry feels because her husband married a colored girl that he must be woke.  Apparently, she was making him a sandwich; as wives often do, and she asked him did he want extra mayo on his sandwich. That’s a perfectly legit question, right? I mean I don’t really fuck with mayonnaise because it’s like a congealed version of spoiled milk, tofu, and flavorless jello. But who am I to judge? I, also, like my beef BLT’s with lots of Miracle Whip so asking something like that isn’t far-fetched.

Mr. You Ain’t Woke As Me And I’m White decides to give his beloved a lesson on mayonnaise.  So he caught feelings about being white and having to bear the burden of liking mayo on a sandwich (because all jokes aside- THAT IS peak alabasterhood)  and delivered a tongue lashing to his wife. She, obviously, needs to be more conscientious of his white tears as well as his culinary tastes.

Ma’am, you nor your husband know what the fuck you are talking about. Just fix the damn sammich. Oh and for fuck’s sake- use wheat bread!  God forbid she gives him white bread AND mayo.

Martin Luther King
Photo Courtesy of Bloomberg Politics

3. Q-Tip

Why do black folks have the constant need to “teach” wypipo lessons on common decency and respect? Basically begging to be understood and accepted. Donald Trump said some hateful shit about Congressman John Lewis and “Captain Unity” a.k.a.  Q-tip felt obligated to speak to Trump’s “humanity”.

My dude! When have white folks given a damn about our ancestors? And why are you asking for the same shit we’ve been asking for  since the 1600’s? Does he think white people don’t know this shit already? Like they’ve only been doing this for half a damn millenia.  THEY DON’T CARE.  SIT DOWN ole Kumbaya face ass nigga. Why do rappers insist on doing anything other than what they are paid to do? Martin Luther King was a minister.  Ministry is NOT your portion.

Cortesia de Vivala

2. Zoe Saldana

Zoe. Zoe. Zoe.  I have tried to love this girl. But she won’t shut up! Every single time she says something, it screams anti-black.  I let her slide on that horrific Nina Simone role, the fact that her and her 2 BLACK sisters ALL MARRIED WHITE MEN, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand saying that people of color don’t exist but her latest shenanigans are unforgivable.

Wait for it. She said, “Hollywood bullied Trump!”

This Hot Cheetoh faced ass…. bullied? What? By whom? Biih..he grabs pussies. Just be fucking pretty and shut up, Zoe. Just shut up.

Puñeta. Ño! She promotes anti-blackness and stupidity like they are her jobs. Dios mio! Where are the mirrors in her house?  I bet she has weekly dinners with Raven and Bow Wow. Yoooo! Somebody come get this chick off my damn lawn. No puedo con ella.

And finally…. The Martin Luther King Day Coon Award goes to….

Martin Luther King

1. Steve Harvey

Your daddy’s son and resident Christian hotep had an awkward meeting with the Donald last week. Donald called him a “friend”  and Steve looked like he wanted to crawl into his suit shell and roll away.

Mr. We Can’t Vote For A Pussygrabber  must have had a change of heart over shots of Jack and talk of “housing” which is code for “where da hoes at?”

I know at one point Steve Harvey was homeless but why would he talk to Donald Trump about housing? Are there some new projects being built called Trump Gardens? Will The Donald pee in the hallways or will these be more upscale with Ivanka pee sponsored by the waters of Fiji or Pellegrino? I don’t understand. But I can only ascertain that Harvey must be getting SOMETHING out of the deal. After all, he IS about that coin.

And on this very significant Martin Luther King Day, let’s take a moment to remember that cooning is so 2016. We will leave you negros behind and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

And NO, YOU AIN’T COMING TO THE COOKOUT, Gary Owens!

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • lkeke35

    I dropped Steve Harvey in the trash a long time ago, but I m trying real hard not to pay attention to anything that comes out of Saldana’s mouth cuz she gon’ f*** up and make me and my niece miss that new Guardians of the Galaxy movie coming out this summer, and me and my niece love that little tree baby. She keep messing up and we gonna have to watch the bootleg.

    • Girl, I am not encouraging illegal behavior but if a bootleg accidentally trips and ends up in your DVD player and you end up watching the new Guardians of The Galaxy… then, it is what it is…lmao

  • Furious Styles

    “Your daddy’s son and resident Christian hotep”

    Maaan, people have no idea how much most Christians and Hoteps are different sides of the same coin. So many of them swapped their crosses for Ankhs.

  • NonyaB🎯

    I didn’t realize Tamera was this “touched” in the head. While reading up details on this mayo story, I came upon the fact that her hubby voted for the rusty sphincter! How does this not disturb her as a woman and POC? Or could it be she voted that way too?!

    Zoe Saldana been cancelled for a minute too. As I’ve said before, only in her charred, faux black brain can calling a bigoted billionaire on his bullsh*t equate to bullying.

    Steve “I’ma give advice on areas I’ve done the worst in, like dating/infidelity/marriage” Harvey was never anybody’s pillar of morality anyway.

    QTip’s skating on very thin ice; he should focus on his music.

  • Furious Styles

    God bless Q-Tip and his intentions…

  • Tarik

    I vote for MLK’s two children, Martin 3 and Alveda. as they obviously support Mr. no-c0ck-of-the-rock and other idiot conservatives.
    *C0ck-of-the rock is a South American bird. Really pretty, really orange.