Confessions of An Undercover Ratchet Chick: Yaaaas!

kmichelle- Ratchet

I confess that I’m an undercover ratchet chick. For many people, this may come as a complete shock. To others, I am positive that they are cackling with delight by this admission. The struggle is real y’all. Please know that I ask for deliverance. Black progression is extremely important to me. I have protested, written commentary and used my voice to speak against the injustices in our community but I, also, indulge in some good ratchetry. I’m talking “drinking Boones Farm from the bottle while popping gum” ratchetry. Some folks call me “bourgeois” but I have a dark side.

Girl bye! Yaaas Joseline! Rachet 101
Side eye given by the Queen Joseline- photo courtesy of Rolling Out

I live for a good twerk. Yes, I know that you just rolled your eyes with disgust but hear me out. It is ratchet. Twerking is ratchet as hell but there is nothing more liberating than “making it clap” or ” backing it up”  to your favorite ratchet hits.  Detroit-born and raised, it runs in my blood and throw on some Detroit Techno (oh you MUST click this link) and it’s a wrap for the kid. The turn up happens on the spot. I, also, get delivered on Friday mornings with Tampa’s booty mix with nostalgic twerk classics like “Happy and You Know It”. I am sure Mr.Negra With Tumbao is thankful for my talents as I am a bonafide twerker. You will NEVER catch me looking like the likes of Miss Cyrus. Even at 41 years of age, I will put in work.  Don’t judge me!

I'm a twerker and I have a problem! I know.. I'm ratchet.
Dat ass tho! Werk Nicki.

I, emphatically, LOVE a good kiki. I have them with my closest friends and my younger sister. I am at MY WORST with mis hermanas de blogging- Sili and Yanira. We get all the eternal lives in hell screaming “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas bitch!” or a “Bitch Wut?”.  Being ratchet  allows us to express ourselves in ways that convey EXACTLY how we feel. Sometimes, you just have to say things how they fall from your lips. We create our own sanctuary of ratchetness so we can drop our eff bombs in peace. Oh yes and we are notorious for the voice switchback. Our non-threatening sister girl voices are the bee’s knees ( Insert Bambi eyes).

The ratchet lives within us!
Nicki serving Yaaaaas bitch realness!

Now you would never catch me in these streets with a bad lace front, being drunk in public or fighting on a video but you will catch me tuning in for Love and Hip Hop (all the installments) and Basketball Wives. Tami Roman, Joseline Hernandez and Rasheeda are my “best friends” in my head. I can appreciate sisters that don’t take shit and aren’t afraid to speak their minds. Being ratchet, does allow for certain privileges that reserved people don’t get. Most people aren’t willing to face a rachetera and that can work for you. I’m not mad at all. You can, comfortably, not care and be ok with yourself. Mis amores- THAT is liberating!

When you're ratchet, you don't give nan fuck!
When you’re ratchet, you don’t give nan fuck!

Although my community, people, and professional relationships are important to me and I make a conscious effort to be an articulate and respectful black woman, I AM a sister from Detroit. It is with that zest and “in your face”  attitude that I’ve accomplished many things and people don’t even attempt to walk over me. So in those moments where women have turned up their noses at my brash or seemingly unrefined responses- I, simply, respond with this….

Ratchet and getting my life
Giiiiirl!! I’m ratchet and you don’t want it!

 Yaaaaas hunty!

*Besos*

K.

K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.

  • Tomika

    Yaaassss Hunty!! loved this!! You kept it 100!

  • Jennifer Troy

    O. K-K-KKKKKAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

  • CozyVon

    “Bitch wit?” Bitch where!?! LMAO

    But naw, I’m what one might call “boughetto”–equal parts bougie & ghetto/ratchet & I embrace them both, lol.

    However, I will admit… my twerking skills are at a Malia Obama level, lol. Those who can, twerk. Those who can’t… just acknowledge it & refrain from self-embarrassment! ????

    • Po’ Malia!!! That baby….. I know Sasha can twerk… she’s the ratchet sister. Lol

      Chiiiile, I use “bitch” for soooo many things. IT IS TRULY A MULTIPURPOSE WORD. Just like “fuck”!

      Me and you gon’ be friends! ????

      Thanks for reading!